HOPE: the driving force

alone time, for the most part is a time where i can actually try to make since of wut the fuck im doin with my life. i usually get pissed off at myself trying to figure out why im not getting my life where it needs to be. and some times its as if ive had SOME SPARK of hope from in the midst of sheer doubt and self hatred. those times are pretty cool. those thoughts of hope are often acted on and my main reason for doing the stupid yet fun things i do. in the moments i have to think my brain turns on me, and starts to give me thoughts of paranoia and self pity. but wen i seem to give in to those thoughts HOPE comes back in and fuckin saves my ass. hope is something i thrive on, its the thing that drives me, i dont have hope in man nor in god THOSE THINGS HOLD NO MEANING TO ME. i have hope in me, and nothing else. all in all, hope is one of the best things i have goin for myself, if i lost hope, i lost my will.

ITS MY FUCKIN LIFE

IM FUCKIN TIRED OF MY LIFE BEING IN THE HANDS OF MY PARENTS. its my fucking life, if  i dont want something then i dont want it. all the fuckin time they always force their beliefs and ideas on me as if i asked for em...WHO THE FUCK DOESNT WANT TO EAT PORK, ITS FUCKIN DELICIOUS DAD. I DONT WANA GO TO FUCKIN CHURCH YOU CRAZY JESUS FREAK. if its how i wana live my life, then so be it LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. all i fuckin want is to live and do as i please with who i please. ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU LEAVE YOUR BELIEFS TO YOUR SELF. I DONT WANT EM!!!!

Random thoughts from friends

Life in its entirety, is a matter of perception. esspecially when it comes to religion and philosophy.

i vowed to keep her happy

i saw the person of intrest crying one day, and when i asked her why she was crying, she gave me a blank stare as if i was trying to be intrusive or something. and wen she gave me that look, i instantaniously felt helpless. since that day, every time im around her i feel as if my only purpose is to make her happy. but since ive left the place i see her the most, theres no possible way for me to do so. but if i go back, id have to deal with the fact that i cant hold my word, and id have to spend the rest of my life in that place, even tho i hate it with every fiber of my being. so im stuck between my pride and my vow and theres no way( as i see it) to keep both...COULD SOMEONE PLEASE COMMENT ON SUM ADVICE!!!

me in a nutshell

so people always wonder wuts goin on in my mind. welp its a number of things...50% is unpredictably dedicated to two specific people. one being the "person of interest" i mentioned a couple posts ago. 25% is dedicated to music and art and the other 25% is reserved for the random thoughts. Me as a person can really be explained by these simple words, sincere, deep, eclectic, and genuine. i actually love making people smile, its sumthing i live for, but i cant make everyone smile. Someone will end up pissed, or even sad. But anyway, music and art are HUUUUGGGEE influences over my entire life. Its a way for me to really escape and vent the way i really feel. Random thoughts much like any thought, is random.....nuff said....more on me to come later in dayzzzz!