back in my self-loathing state of mind

its like one false move im back in the spot that i hate being in. i feel as if people dont really like me (dont care) and i feel like life is passing me by and im not doing shit to get it back. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. i gotta get it together. this shit is fuckin depressing seeing my friends fuckin havin the best time of their fuckin lives and im stuck doin wuteva the fuck im doin(bullshittin) FUCK MY MEANINGLESS LIFE!!!

am i even here...should i be

lately ive been thinkin that life has jus put on fuckin mute....like ill be there but no one wud even pay attention or even acknowledge im standing not two feet away. rite now im feelin llike i shouldnt be around if im not gonna be at least acknowledged or even heard. FUCK!!!

religion and my beliefs

so the other day my mom prayed for me and she wanted me to say AMEN as if i wanted her to do it. so i sat there waiting for her to start the car. She got PISSED, mainly because i havent told her that im an AGNOSTIC with an ANTI-RELIGIOUS tinge or.....wutever. but she jus started fuckin gettin all high and mighty talkin bout how much ima need God, i wudnt kno wut the hell she was sayin cuz i had my ipod on loud playing DARK FUNERAL...as of now i cudnt really give a shit wuts in the sky or where yall say he is. its jus one more thing on my FUCK IT list. religion was major for me wen i was a kid (i didnt kno anything else and i went to a christian private skool). since i was about 13 ive thought outside of the bible as in for myself and im glad i started to cuz lookin at christianity like i du...YOU PPL ARE FUCKIN CRAZY.

my first openly gay GUY friend

so i met this dude at skool taday and i met him through anutha friend...i can see from his actions and the way he talkd that he was gay but i never really thought anything ov it soo we talkd for a min and sum how i found out AND BOY DID I FIND THE FUCK OUT!!! dat nigga gay.. its not a prob wit me cuz i got a cuple gay family members but DAMN dis nigga ridiculous..

slacker and prcrastinator

you know the worst feeling than realizing that your a slacker...is realizing that your a slacker SCHOOL IS NOT FOR ME
i mean i like to learn new shit but the process of writing papers and answering question after question is fuckin killing me

Random #1

the more i think about words (in general) the more i get confused about them....fuck i love thinkin

OAN: its wenever im alone (pretty often) that i actually get a chance to sit and make a complete RATIONAL/IRRATIONAL thought...the kinda thoughts you have wen your stoned beyond compare BUT im not and i still have those kinda thoughts FUCK i love my brain